15 Lesbian Misconceptions

Everyone out there knows what a lesbian is, I'm sure. Some of you are lesbians. Some of you have friends who are lesbians. Well, I've identified as lesbian for about 4 years now and been out publicly for about 3. Through those years, I've heard quite a few ridiculous questions and stereotypes about lesbians, and I've compiled them here and given my two cents about why they're not (completely) true. Anyone out there who has heard, or asked, questions about lesbians, read along for my take on them.


Lesbian Misconception #1: Lesbians hate men.

While the radical feminists might (who aren't even all lesbians, mind you), I haven’t met a single lesbian who hates men (and I know a few dozen, mind you). In fact, I would go freaking crazy if there were no guys to hang out with. Girls - even the hot, gay ones – can get intolerable.

Lesbian Misconception #2: Being gay is easier than being straight because you're dating someone who is the same gender as you are.

I don’t know who thinks this. If you honestly do think this, just go to any lesbian couple’s house when their PMS cycles are in sync and you will quickly change your mindset about that. Remember in high school? (Or those still in it, think about it) When the two “BFF’s” get into a huge bitch fight and vow to never talk to each other again? More often than not, they end up as BFF’s again, but sometimes they split forever. Lesbians do the same thing…No, seriously. They do.

Lesbian Misconception #3: There is always a “man” and a “woman” in lesbian relationships

"So...which one of you is the man in the relationship?"
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this question. Lesbians are WOMEN who love WOMEN. That means no scraggly beards, no leaving the toilet seat up, no hairy chests or fuzzy ballsacs being slapped against your ass. None of that. Now, just like any relationship, there’s usually one partner that’s more dominant or more submissive, but that doesn’t mean one is the ‘man’ and the other is the ‘woman.’ I still don’t understand people’s fascinations with knowing the answer to this question. Literally every close friend of mine has asked my girlfriend and I this question and we still can’t answer beyond:

Lesbian Misconception #4: Lesbians scissor to have sex

Scissor me timbers!
Unless your clit is the size of a grape and you have the flexibility of a wet noodle, scissoring is an extremely uncomfortable and usually unsuccessful position that was shat out the bowels of awful pseudo-lesbian pornos. Some people also say that lesbians can’t have “real sex,” these people have obviously never had lesbian sex before. If you’re a lesbian and that works for you, more power to you. But I don’t think it’s effective in the slightest.


Lesbian Misconception #5: Lesbians get committed really fast and don’t cheat.

I’m sure a lot of you have heard the term “U-hauling.” Supposedly that lesbians want to move in together after the 2nd date. I know quite a few lesbians and lesbian couples and have only met one couple who actually live together and are totally committed. As far as the cheating thing, I think lesbians cheat as much as any other girl does.

Lesbian Misconception #6: Lesbians have Daddy issues or were sexually abused as kids.

"Using a definition of rape that includes forced vaginal, oral, and anal sex, the National Violence Against Women Survey found that one out of six U.S. women...have experienced an attempted or completed rape as a child and/or adult." (Tjaden and Thoennes 1998) Additionally: "The National Crime Victimization Survey found that in 1996, more than two-thirds of rape/sexual assaults commited in the nation remained unreported." (Ringel 1997)

It's estimated that 5% of the population are lesbians (1 out of every 20 people, or 1 out of every 10 women, assuming a 50-50 split of male to female population). So...obviously not every girl who's been sexually assaulted is a lesbian, and not every lesbian has been sexually assaulted (I haven't, for one). As far as daddy issues go, I don’t even know what the hell that has to do with being a lesbian.


Lesbian Misconception #7: If you are a lesbian, you’ve never had a meaningful relationship or been in love with a man.

"You just haven't had the right man yet!"
This question makes me want to rip douchebags a new one. This is mostly spouted by egotistical teenage or slighter older boys who still think their dicks are the greatest things since sliced bread. There are Gold Star Lesbians (those who haven’t had a relationship/had sex with a man), but there are numerous women who had been married to a man for years and then found out they were lesbians. Of course, there is the complete opposite, where a lesbian falls in love with a man. Women are more sexually fluid overall, but that’s a subject for a totally different article.

Lesbian Misconception #8: Lesbians only turned to women because they are too fat/ugly to get a man.

Well, I’m 107 pounds and if you think that’s fat for an 18 year old, than you need to get a psychiatric evaluation. In fact, my closest lesbian friends are a normal weight, aren’t ugly, and have had boyfriends in the past. Unfortunately, every time there is a fat/ugly lesbian, people just assume that the stereotype is true.

Lesbian Misconception #9: ALL Lesbians have over 9,000 cats.

I love cats, but I only have 1 or 2 that are “mine.” Some are allergic to cats, some don’t like them. Some are more of a dog person. It’s really about the same as other people. Actually, I’ve noticed a tendency for lesbians to like big dogs more than they like cats.

Lesbian Misconception #10: All Lesbians are involved in sports/good at them.

I honestly only know one lesbian involved in sports. Well, I know a few on a derby team, but that's not a widely recognized sport. Alot of the lesbians I know don't like sports or they're terrible at them, myself included.

Lesbian Misconception #11: Lesbians only drive big-ass trucks/motorcycles or environment-friendly hybrid cars.

I had an Infiniti J-30. My girlfriend has a 93 Acura Integra. My friend has a Volvo. Another one of my friends has a PT Cruiser. And we’re in Texas. In fact, I like smaller cars way more than giant trucks. I don’t really know anyone with a car they bought for the sole purpose that it’s environmentally friendly. My girlfriend wants a motorcycle, so I guess that might count.

Lesbian Misconception #12: Lesbians LOVE plaid.

Ugh. No. I hate plaid. The only time I find plaid acceptable is if: 1) It’s on your pajama pants. 2) It’s on your boxers/underwear. 3) You’re a Catholic school girl and it’s part of your dress code (or whatever other schools require plaid skirts). I’ll admit, probably every lesbian in existence has a plaid shirt somewhere in their wardrobe, but that doesn’t mean we all love it.

Lesbian Misconception #13: Lesbians want to screw every single girl they know/meet and will if given the opportunity.

My sister came home from school one day and told me how one of her friends asked her if I hit on her since I was a lesbian. I mean, seriously, what the fuck? I'm a lesbian, not incestuous. We're gay, not rapists. To compare, does every guy want to screw every girl he meets/knows? No, of course not. I always kept to the rule that straight girls are just that – straight. Not even every lesbian is fair game to me, I don’t like too much femme or too much butch. A Goldilocks lezzie is perfect for me.

Lesbian Misconception #14: Lesbians use dildos/vibrators/strap-ons because they actually crave penis (As in, having sex with a man, not having a surgically attached penis, although that’s another stereotype too).

That would be like saying every kid who shoots someone in the face at point blank with a sniper rifle in Halo wants to do so in real life. This just isn’t true at all. Is every guy who likes giving/receiving anal gay? No. If we wanted to have sex with a man, we would have sex with a man.

Lesbian Misconception #15: Lesbians all have short hair or mullets.

My girlfriend had hair nearly down to her butt up until last year and even then, she only cut it shoulder length. Most lesbians I know actually have medium-long length hair. Most of the lesbians brandishing mullets are the ones that are of the older generations.


FUN FACT: I said 'lesbian' 66 times in this article!